Dear Evan,

We had a good day today.  We got up.  Went to the zoo with cousins. Stayed for almost 4 hours.  Wiped every one of you out!  You got to go home with your cousin for a bit, but it was short lived.  They brought you home after an hour of play time and we loaded up again and headed out to your baseball practice.  We all stayed and watched : )  Once we got home, the bedtime routine kicked into full throttle and I was sure that once your little heads hit the pillow you would barely be able to say goodnight.

Not the case - having those expectations always puts me in a 'mood' when they don't go as planned : /

You, my Evan, came out of your bed for a few reasons.

First, you wanted to make sure I was ok.  You were so worried because of my cough.  I couldn't stop coughing.  I wasn't feeling good and you came out to check on me.  I encouraged you to get back into bed but you insisted that you cared for me.  You couldn't sleep because you were worried about me.

Your heart.  Its gold.

Then, you came out again after I scolded Raegan.  Your little chin was quivering and you could barely tell me what was wrong.  You felt bad for Raegan.  You felt really bad for Raegan because she has been told on her 'whole life' and you feel bad you told on her.  I grabbed you.  And held your face and told you to look at me.  I told you that I love Raegan.  I reassured you that I would not get mad at her but Im not happy with her telling you that and making you feel bad.  I told you that we all love her and she knows that.  I told you and asked you if you have ever heard me thank her for all her help and what a good girl she is.  You said yes.  And your quiver chin left.

My heart...now quivering.

And just as you were going back to bed out came Rae again, and this mama snapped.  At both of you.  As I mentioned earlier, those darn expectations!  It is now 10pm and Im wasted just as you are clearly overtired.  You cried.  I walked both of you back to bed.  Tucked you in.  Then calmed myself.

I had to tell you sorry.  I came back in to find you still rustling.  I layed next to you and told you I was sorry for getting upset.  You put your little arm around my neck and said the most magical words a sorry mom wishes to hear when her patience level has broken down to a very slim to nothin line:

"Its ok mom. I know you still love me."

I cried.

Then you you told me you were going to stay home tomorrow and not play with friends because of my cough.

My heart is so swollen, my chest can barely take it.

I left your room after rustling Raegan a bit to tell her sorry too.  And that I love her.  So much.

I came immediately to document.  As tears stream down my face...I wonder.  This mommy business...I am not worthy!