Its ok to FEEL.

I can't begin to imagine or understand this kind of loss.  I remember so vividly when I tuned into this delicate and heart wrenching experience in my friends life.  It was when Mayci was just a few weeks old and was keeping Shawn and I up  from 8pm - 3am screaming.  Colic.  It was difficult to say the least BUT...how embarrassing to even think to complain.  I remember those nights so vividly.  Holding, rocking, feeding, stroking, consoling, humming, cuddling, loving, and crying.  A lot of crying.  Not for me.  But for my distant friend.  Who had this precious baby enter the gates of Heaven - taken from her arms and place so tenderly into our Heavenly Fathers - in just a blink.

As I stated earlier - I can't even begin to fathom the pain.  Confusion. Heart ache. Sorrow. Anger. Anxiety. Fear.  And all other feelings that I am not even equipped to list - because I have not been there.

BUT

As she states in this post - as she approaches this day - its a welcomed respite from routine?!
Although I don't have a day in my personal life that is tattooed on my heart that makes me FEEL this kind of pain...
I read her words and FEEL what I can with her.  I cry.  Big tears.  In my efforts to empathize with her.  I think of her.
And I am brought back to my own experiences of when this day happened for my friend.
And I am more grateful on this day than on most others - for my life.

The effort in empathizing.  The effort in feeling...for others...can wake those deep feelings and emotions that are otherwise not felt because of the daily routines of life.  I am grateful for this post...and really every one of her posts...because of her ability to wake me emotionally almost every.single.day.

But this one specifically answered something Ive always asked myself.
And Shawn will ask me too... 'Why? Why are you watching this Farrah?"
It could be a documentary on 9-11...
or a real life tragedy...
that will cause tears to stream down my face - but I can't stop watching.

Maybe this is why.  Its an effort to feel with others.  Feel their pain.  Feel those emotions that are otherwise asleep.  Realize there is a world beyond the one you live in everyday.
And feel empathy.  Think of them...not yourself.  Pray for them.
And then be ever more grateful.

I love you Natalie.
I think of you today.
And of your precious perfect baby Gavin.
And despite the pain you must feel - you still inspire.
Its a real gift straight from God.
And Im grateful everyday for it...and so are millions.
xoxo

Evan and Austin.

Why does this make me want to cry?!
I got some snap chats from Karalee at midnight last night and when I opened them...
I welled up with real big tears.

I can FULLY understand - although I don't have teenagers yet and until then I can't say that I COMPLETELY understand - that when people say enjoy them while they are young - that is goes SO  fast -
THIS SAYS ALL OF THAT!

Oh I miss that face.  Those cheeks.  Those hands.

Today and for as long as I possibly can, I will enjoy the NOW more fully and completely.
Because in a flash - ITS GONE!

Austin.  Really.
Look at those two.
Oh my heart.

Cousins. Friends. And lunch dates!

Had Cole over one morning.
Wesly had a grand ol' time making Cole laugh in these chairs.
It was cute to hear them 'play'.
Although she is still in the - " s'mine! " phase.
Translation: Thats mine!!!
And I mean EVERYTHING is hers!
 

SELFIE!
Shawn had literally walked through the door from flying in -
And we shuffled him right back out.
Off to the Annual Chili Cookoff.
I was robbed...guess my 'googled' chili can't win 1st every year.
The ward stepped up their game in the activities though!
Shawn was in charge of the 4-wheeler.
Wesly screamed when she had to take turns : (

I spy: Mayci. Porter. Cash. Lily. Kade. And T-Money!
All of Maycis close buddies - and a few cousins...got to see the firetrucks for a field trip.
And Miss Amy got to put all the gear on.
She rocks!!

I got to meet Evan for lunch this day.
Happened to be crazy hair day.
His won.
Love this boy more than words can say.

Great company.
#not
: )

Its about time! FALL!!!

I was hoping to rope someone into climbing the Y with me this weekend...not thinking Shawn would be around!
To my surprise - HE WAS!
And ended up being the lucky candidate to carry the over 40 pound pack up and down!
It was glorious.
I love this family I call my own!  Weird to see me in the pic : )

Perfect day...right?!

Loving dads company.
And Evans walking stick -
that the kids ended up fighting over it and sitting on the trail for a small time out...
but we won't mention that ever happened cause kids don't fight when they are supposed to be having fun...right?!
Stick got tossed back up into its family of trees...thank you stick.

Still haven't gotten enough of this goodness.
I could live in the mountains.
I really think I could...with the help of Shawns hunting skills...and some deodorant...Id be good.
Tinfoils. Smores. Fire. Stars. Fresh crisp air -
and 2 loads of laundry each trip.
Still worth it.

Wesly got to know uncle Coulton a little better.

So did Evan.  He really took an interest in Coultons beard.  Couldn't stop petting him.
Guess with the BYU job - he can't remember dad with anything but a little stubble.

Beautiful sister. We Love her.

A different trip.
A perfect picture.
Another 2 loads of laundry : )
I make the kids strip in the laundry room before they enter the house.
I love the smell of campfires - but not in there sheets!

A Sunday adventure to Tibblefork.
Getting colder - So we panic.
We try to capture every last bit of fresh air minus the snow!

Another night of tinfoils.
This time I pre-cooked them so we could just warm them and eat quickly.
Its torturous to wait:)
>>>I promise Elsies face didn't get 1st degree burns<<<
By the looks of this pic...Im not sure how she didn't!