Its ok to FEEL.

I can't begin to imagine or understand this kind of loss.  I remember so vividly when I tuned into this delicate and heart wrenching experience in my friends life.  It was when Mayci was just a few weeks old and was keeping Shawn and I up  from 8pm - 3am screaming.  Colic.  It was difficult to say the least BUT...how embarrassing to even think to complain.  I remember those nights so vividly.  Holding, rocking, feeding, stroking, consoling, humming, cuddling, loving, and crying.  A lot of crying.  Not for me.  But for my distant friend.  Who had this precious baby enter the gates of Heaven - taken from her arms and place so tenderly into our Heavenly Fathers - in just a blink.

As I stated earlier - I can't even begin to fathom the pain.  Confusion. Heart ache. Sorrow. Anger. Anxiety. Fear.  And all other feelings that I am not even equipped to list - because I have not been there.

BUT

As she states in this post - as she approaches this day - its a welcomed respite from routine?!
Although I don't have a day in my personal life that is tattooed on my heart that makes me FEEL this kind of pain...
I read her words and FEEL what I can with her.  I cry.  Big tears.  In my efforts to empathize with her.  I think of her.
And I am brought back to my own experiences of when this day happened for my friend.
And I am more grateful on this day than on most others - for my life.

The effort in empathizing.  The effort in feeling...for others...can wake those deep feelings and emotions that are otherwise not felt because of the daily routines of life.  I am grateful for this post...and really every one of her posts...because of her ability to wake me emotionally almost every.single.day.

But this one specifically answered something Ive always asked myself.
And Shawn will ask me too... 'Why? Why are you watching this Farrah?"
It could be a documentary on 9-11...
or a real life tragedy...
that will cause tears to stream down my face - but I can't stop watching.

Maybe this is why.  Its an effort to feel with others.  Feel their pain.  Feel those emotions that are otherwise asleep.  Realize there is a world beyond the one you live in everyday.
And feel empathy.  Think of them...not yourself.  Pray for them.
And then be ever more grateful.

I love you Natalie.
I think of you today.
And of your precious perfect baby Gavin.
And despite the pain you must feel - you still inspire.
Its a real gift straight from God.
And Im grateful everyday for it...and so are millions.
xoxo